so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
