i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
