If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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