I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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