Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
