just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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