the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
