ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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