Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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