i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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