There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
