I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
