i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
