Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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