Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
