I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
