so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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