Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
