my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
