You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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