if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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