Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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