At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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