I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
