Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
