She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My bed smells like the plague
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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