you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can I color on your dick again?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
my god I love twenty year old dicks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
