Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
