He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
