did you get engaged???
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
