she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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