here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
