i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
