So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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