I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
