I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
