So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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