Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize