I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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