I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
