I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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