My hand turned me down
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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