Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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