tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
