the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
