i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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