he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
