We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
