I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
