I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
