he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
