and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
