i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
