The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
