The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You are a genius and a whore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
