That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Congratulations! We have a period
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
