had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
God I need to hump something, right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
