Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
