I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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