I think I am morally bankrupt
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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