Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
